boy hugs then and now --and about Tim...

Anon just posted a comment on my previous post that he's a HS student and never sees guys hugging. I had told the story of Dan and me helping to popularize guy hugs back when we were in HS. My reply seemed to belong as a post.

The high school Dan and I went to back in the 90s had its own unique culture like most do. In this case all it took was a few open-minded guys to set the tone. HS students don't want to be left out, and they also like to jump on a trend train. That was also more than 10 years ago, so who knows. Some guys hugged pro-forma like they think they'll get busted as gay, others were more genuine and really embraced and held it for a few secs, especially if the other guy was really a good cool friend. lol

Where I teach now, there are many guy hugs, but also lots of guy/girl just friends hugs that are often quite emphatic! [I guess a friendly feel is involved ---both ways...] LOL I think they are equalizing in acceptability as cultural norms morph. We have about 10 out gay students, several of whom are very active in non-gay student clubs/teams.

One of the out gay guys [we'll call him Tim] is on the boys volleyball team and really good. The team plays hard and fast and wins a lot, so his stock is quite high these days. This year he'll be a senior. He's tall, slender, strong, very agile, and all the girls drool over him. He's part of the second tier "in" crowd and very popular. AND OUT! He exudes self-confidence and rarely gets called nasty names. When he does, he usually puts the name-caller in his place with a gentle but pointed humorous comment that ends the nastiness. He's very friendly and very polite and kind to all kids. He just ignores the cliques.

He's very good academically and is a member of the volunteer peer tutoring club that meets for an hour or more after school in the library every day. There is always 1 staff member in there to supervise and one time I was "on duty" and saw him working the whole period on math with a punk goth kid with the long black coat, spiked red hair, etc. They were both very intent on what they were doing. It made me so happy to see two such totally different boys not at all concerned about images. Math was the issue!

I asked Tim later how they ever got together. He said the goth sophomore was very shy and withdrawn, but was there signed up for math help. So Tim just waltzed over [he's ever so slightly fem] and asked what he needed help on. Didn't give the kid a chance to back out. Of course Tim towed over him, so that helped him some. Tim says he's a nice kid, not at all weird, just likes the clothes and image.

Last May Tim told me he's gonna bring a BF to his senior prom. There is one sophomore he's hot for, but trying not to scare the poor kid to death. The sophomore is only out to Tim and a few trusted friends. But he really wants to come out and join Tim at the prom. Tim was amazed when I told him that Dan and I had done that over 10 years ago! That story is for another post! Maybe I should do it soon.

So, all you gay guys in high school... even if you are still in the closet [and that is just fine!] you can do some little things to break down stereotypes. If you hear the ever popular, "That's so gay!" you can always say, "Hey knock it off. My cousin's gay and he's a great guy. I don't like to hear that shit cuz it insults someone in my family!"

Or how else can gay guys in high school help build tolerance and respect, even if in they are in the closet for now?

Tell us!

. . . steevo in cali