How to find a boyfriend... and maybe how NOT to...

This was originally a comment on a post from Peter:


EDIT 1 ---sorry this got so long. I'd make it a post of my own but Peter asked for advice... and this is for him... sometimes that cant be done in a 100 words or less.

Edit 2 ---WTH... I'll do it as a post too!
steevo2@blogspot.com

@samadidris u sed, "somewhere out there, the ONE is waiting for you. but you're not gonna find him if you cannot get over Alex." I admit this cliche is a pet peeve of mine, Because... It sets up people, especially young and/or inexperienced people, for misery and perhaps less than wise choices. If this were literally true, if there was just one soulmate that we are destined for, few gay guys would be with anyone. Cuz the odds of finding THE one "for you" are 1 in as many gay males as exist at any one point in time.

I contend that there are many someones out there. You may click sexually w/ someone and he's hott and the sex is awesome. But when it comes to being faithful, honest, keeping a job, not living like a slob, he may not be quite "right" after all. Or maybe it takes time to get to know someone's qualities. Mayeb it takes time to dig below the surface and see what's there and _build_ on that.

So what to do? How to find someone who clicks? Well, maybe we hafta meet many people, spend time, have sex, shack up, see if it is more than dick love.

Young guys especially sometimes have a very unrealistic expectation that you hafta be almost positive that he is "the one" before you get it on and get involved emotionally. The opposite extreme is also amply evident: serial one night hookups. And lots in between.

Perhaps we should realiz that the first guy we wank with or trade BJs with was fun, exciting, etc. because he was/is the first. But what if he is just the first apple in the barrel and you are starving? He's sweet and juicy, OMG it MUST be "him"... but there is a whole barrel full of apples, dude! Maybe its OK to have your bites, learn how your body works, get some experience... but not by using every sweetie you meet.

Cant we form relationships that are for the here and now? Cant we say, "I love you" but I'm not ready to have your babies just yet? Isnt it OK to be honest and realistic without being a slut?

And over time we will likely meet some seriously possible quality partners. Someone to love and be loved by is not like winning the lottery. I think its more like shopping: you look in a lot of places, you keep your eyes open, you "try it on", and then you narrow it down to a few good men or boys, and finally one good man or boy who is wonderful and fun and fits very nicely, thank you very much.

And some of you who know me no doubt see the irony here: after knowing each other since second grade, being best friends, brothers, dan n i got to be BFs, then lovers, now life partners. I was mostly clueless, but once he blew me, I was his! And he waited literally for years to be sure I would like the idea. I tease him that he converted me with a smile and a new TWINKle in his eye that sed "do you REALLY want a blow job?" Damn straight I did!